I'm so fucking centered right now
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
