I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
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Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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