There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
