3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
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We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
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Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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