The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
