I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
