I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
