i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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