Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Found your dick twin last night
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
