I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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