It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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