I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
