I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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