I smell stomach acid.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
it's like heaven, but drunker
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
