so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
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You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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