Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
