just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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