Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
