I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
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All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
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Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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