my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
