Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My ATM looks so different sober.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
