stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
