i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
time to smoke my breakfast
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
