people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
