They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
