You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
