Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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