oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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