She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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