he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
