haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
