so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
