smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
