I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
