Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize