i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize