1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize