he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
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As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
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We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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