Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
