We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm just crazy horny about you
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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