Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
