I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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