you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
