well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
