Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
im having a threesome with these popsicles
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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