you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
