so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
