i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Man, jail baloney is awful.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
