I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
