u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
