so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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