you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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