remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize