Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
vagina is talking i cant
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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