if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
