Well douche your snatch and let's go!
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
