I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
