I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
the raccoons are back...
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