You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
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I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
That accounts for only three of the penises
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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