I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
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Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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