If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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