I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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