I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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